I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize