I want to walk on stilts...naked
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
