can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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