I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
