I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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