Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
