he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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