I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
