STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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