Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
where are my eyebrows?
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