Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
