thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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