Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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