another moral hangover. fuck.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
