One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
