Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it's great music for shaving your balls
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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