I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
