it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize