youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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