About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So vagazzling was a success
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
