If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
