You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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