New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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