Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
