i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
