my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
