You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
