I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize