I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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