if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
