Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
