The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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