And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
