Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
