There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
