I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
