This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
