Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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