is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
