I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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