I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
