Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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