dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
