sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
