My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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