Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
