Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
