You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
