She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
