put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
