Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
