areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
