Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
