my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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