Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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