i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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