There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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