were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
