Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
