i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
