Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
