so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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