theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
