If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Never underestimate the power of titties
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
