Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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