i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
