Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
