He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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