you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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