1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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