i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
