I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
