I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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