i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
