i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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