it was like his penis was on wheels.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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