yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
