You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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