It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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