I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm at about main and main street
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
