Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
