i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
