I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
