this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
